Hey, everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to all of your well wishes for the previous post! I have had a rough week, and I know it's normal, considering the circumstances. For some reason, I have been doubting everything about myself... my abilities as a mother, a housekeeper, a wife-- even a good person in general. I've been praying a lot, a for some reason, I feel my prayers now. We always say our prayers before bed and before eating, kinda like you do routinely. But, after this week, I've been praying for myself instead of my children. I've prayed for strength. I've prayed for acceptance. I've prayed for motivation. I've prayed for the ability to make good decisions. I've prayed for my mom to send me her strength from heaven. It is really, really hard to go through all this without her. I have such a wonderful support system in my husband, family and wonderful friends, but it does feel lonely without your mother to talk to. One person, who is not my mother, has stood strong. One person has been able to "mother" me through this. This person takes on every single task with an "You got it!" attitude. This person is a rock, not only to me, but to my husband and my children. You all know her as CRAZY AUNT CARRIE, and she is a shining example of a selfless, caring, generous human being. She's only one year older than me, but I have looked up to her with such admiration. Ever since Emi was born, she has been the BEST aunt anyone could ask for. If Emi is having a hard time with her "annoying" little brother, I pick up the phone and hit speed dial for her to talk to the best person I know who had to deal with another "annoying" little brother. She always knows exactly what to say and do to make everyone feel loved and cherished. This woman has an AMAZING ability to make people feel special. With her quick wit and contagious laugh she can just brighten any room she enters. Her husband, Erin, and her beautiful boys, Kole, Jaren and Brady radiate the same energy and I wish I could see them more, just to wrap my arms around them and say "thank you for being in my life!" I can't imagine what all this that we've gone through since Mother's Day would be without her. I just wanted to put a shout out to the most important woman in my life, besides my mom... I love you, sis!
Also, to another rock. This person completes and holds our family on a pedestal. This person knows how lucky he is to have his family. He is the proudest Papa on earth, I know that. He is also my husbands BEST FRIEND and I know there's no way he would be who he is today with out him. The picture of strength. The bear hugs that come with, immediate welcoming into his family to anyone who we would call a friend. Although, (he may not think so) very intimidating at times, my father in law- Ken- is one of the smartest, strongest, funniest, coolest guys I know and he definitely deserves props for everything he has done... from dropping everything and speeding to KC when Nate went into the hospital (both times) and watching our children. No questions, he was THERE! To helping to organize the MEET NATE DAY at MAM (plug, plug). Everything in between is definitely not forgotten and I hope he NEVER thinks we expect it or take it for granted. So, who loves you? You know!
Quickly, to my husband. I can't even begin to explain how much you mean to me. I was driving home from work last night and heard that new Rascal Flatts song, "You Save Me" and the tears were a flowin'! You are my best friend and my soulmate! You are the BEST daddy anyone could ever ask for! I am so so so proud that YOU are mine! Everything you do, I know it's for us. And you are everything to ME. I love you.
Okay, so.... this week as far as Naters Potaters (as Emi calls him) goes, was pretty uneventful. Pretty much the same. He is still having siezures, although they do seem to be shorter. He started eating sweet potatoes this week. He likes them, I think. He never makes a "yuk" face unless he's being force fed the phenobarbital disgustingness. So, no emotion must be good I guess. He has been squeezing very hard on his thumbs lately. He will make a fist and curl his thumb to his palm and wrap his other four fingers down on top of it. Then he is VERY tight. So, we are working with the OT on some sort of splint maybe to help straighten out those thumbs. If he keeps up with this, they won't be "opposible" anymore!
Emi started first grade last week, loves it! She has always loved school! Her teacher told me at back to school night, that Emi is a delightful student. Yea!
Charlie will start 3 year old preschool on Sept. 3, and he's having a hard time understanding why he can't go to school like Emi. He says, " I never get to go to school!" I keep telling him how long he has til he gets to go, of course there is no comprehension of time at his age. He just whines. But, I have to say, he's probably the cutest whiner I've ever seen.
Okay, well, now that I've put you all to sleep, I must go and see who won HOH on Big Brother! Kisses!
love,
Carolyn
Well, let's see if I can see the stupid computer screen through the unending flow of tears pouring out of my eyes! Lina, My GOD GIrl, I love you. You are the epitomy of a sister and God sure knew what he was doing when he sent Craig to a different school than me huh? I look back on our lives, how they have come from two such completely different backgrounds to today. We fit. We have grown together into this amazing grace that we call sisterhood. You have taught me so much about strength, (not physical of course I CAN do 10 push ups now) no, seriously, I think you are such a rock, in a time like this, your baby has been taken from you, to sit back and look and help others, how do you do that? I have told you more than once this week, I will move mountains for you and your family, you guys are my world and NOTHING will EVER change that! I have prayed to your Mom since that day I got the call from Butch on Mothers Day, the drive to KC was one of the longest moments in history. But I prayed to her, to help me know what to say to you, to help me know how long to hug you and how tight, to help me know when to let your tears fall and to know when to wipe them from your eyes. I see a lot of her in you, I have told you that before. She was such a smart woman and always seemed to have the answers. I feel as though she has spoken to me in a sense. I feel that she has given me strength on the days when we get off of the phone and I feel like I have not "helped" you much at all, I mean how much help is a blubbering woman on the other line? Then a sort of peace comes over me, hurting is feeling and there is no right way to handle this sort of heartache. I like to think that it is her, telling US that we just have to stick together and we will get through this, somehow some way. One day, we will smile whenever we say Nates name out loud and talk of how he used to squeal at us and always seemed to have so much to say (where did he get that from anyways?). The truth is HE DID!!! I know that now that he cannot do that when I see him, all those times our "conversations" went on and on, he had to tell me so much, because he did not have much time to tell me. I hope to pick up where we left off in those conversations one day. But if we cannot, I know that love is the the best thing to feel, and so for now that is what we will do, love like we always have, because sometimes it is the only thing we seem to have. You are a beautiful beautiful woman, and there is not a day goes by that I do not thank GOd for the blessing of having you to walk the road of life with. You stay with us, we are here and we do NOT doubt you in any way. You are not alone, not ever. sis
ReplyDeleteOkay you girls are KILLING me here! I shouldn't have read this at work - if anyone asks I'll say my allergies are bothering me. :) You guys are inspiring, both of you!! How awesome that God brought you together (oh yeah and that Craig guy to), I think you were already soul sisters!
ReplyDeleteLove you both - T Buzz